Contemplation of a state of mind sprung from nothing...
.
This person I have become is my greatest triumph, and
yet here I feel so defeated, knowing that in all my
connectedness, I am utterly alone.
.
Before, I lived witth my daydreams, happy with my creations.
Suddenly I was disillusioned; all my fantasies fell away
at once. As yesterday I wrote, "Here I stand, naked
and shivering in the harsh light of reality."
.
My escape is gone. I have nothing left but to face
absolute truth. In this truth, I see that only I love me
sheerly for what I am-- without expectations, without
a view of potential, without seeing only a mask.
.
Perhaps, if my situation had changed to this result,
I wouldn't mind so much. But to see that you were alone
from the beginning... this realization is almost devastating.
.
And so nothing has changed,
...................................except that I see reality.
.
...And with this loneliness comes the selfishness I never had.
......Though I work to make others happy, as always,
.........My decisions are made only for myself,
.
whom I love.
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