Disillusioned

Fantasies stripped away, I stand naked and shivering in the cold light of reality.
No one else stands with me, and so I stand tall without shame.
I see myself in my nakedness, appreciate the beauty that is me.
Here there are no fallacies, no makeup and jewels to cover all the

imperfections.

But with no comparison, how can imperfections be imperfect?
I am the only one, and therefore the pinnacle of humanity in this strange place.

Below me there is soft, dewy grass.
I blink stupidly at it, feel it gently give way to each new step I take.
The breath is that of an early autumn morning, as darkness ebbs away but before the sun has risen.

There is no fear here.

All my comforts, all my lies, and all the beauty that I saw is gone; I am a child without a security blanket. But I know that it was I who gave these things to myself, and I also who took them away. One cannot mourn what one purposefully left behind. Somehow I am stronger here, naked and alone. Shock waves move gently through me, pushing me to sway as a piece of seaweed in the tide. I know that I will allow myself to depend on others, and help them as always. After all, nothing has changed. I have simply

opened my eyes.

There is only one difference with this new reality. I will live for myself. Only I can love me for this person who I am here. Only I love me without a goal; without expectations. Others love masques and potential. But here I am nothing but myself, and here is the person who I love in me.

So now for this person I live; I work to my own expectations. I cannot live trying to be perfect for everyone else and still be happy with myself; surely I will be smothered under so many masques.

In this new place I lay upon the ground feeling the purity of the dew upon my back. I love everything, even without it loving me back. By living for myself I learn altruism.

Here without my illusions I still reel from the shock. Here in my nakedness I try to understand just what I was hiding from, and just what was here... my illusions sheltered me, but with them I felt warm. Here I am utterly alone, and though I know with all of me that I have strength to carry on, I am not sure I want to know that no one was by my side

in the first place.